


솔직히 말할까                                                                                                                                 (Should I be honest?)

by mkhhhx



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Angst, Break Up, Implied Sexual Content, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-03-13
Updated: 2019-03-13
Packaged: 2019-11-16 16:33:40
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,729
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18098036
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/mkhhhx/pseuds/mkhhhx
Summary: "Someday you’re gonna find your person”





	솔직히 말할까                                                                                                                                 (Should I be honest?)

**_“Someday you’re gonna find your person”_ **

It’s late when Minhyuk stumbles back home. There are dark circles under his eyes and his clothes are sticking on his skin with sweat. Changkyun stirs on the couch where he fell asleep hours before. They look at each other, realize they were both crying. Changkyun woke up to duffel bags in the living room and Minhyuk missing from his side and he knew the end was coming. He should had seen it coming a long time ago.

They keep staring, because Changkyun has so many questions that he doesn’t know how to form and because Minhyuk is breathing heavily, in the way he did every time they stopped fighting and he was about to cry. And Changkyun would hold him through it until they both calmed down. But they hadn’t fought in so long. There was only silence and unsaid words, an ugly reality replacing all the warmth and love they once had.

“I’m leaving tomorrow morning” Minhyuk stutters and the first tear rolls down his face, “I found a place to rent.”

Changkyun rubs his eyes and gulps down all the emotions that are trying to suffocate him.

“Okay” he says, “okay.”

 

**_“and they’re gonna love you, so, so much”_ **

Minhyuk stays standing in front of the door and Changkyun can’t really say if this is a mistake they could have prevented. Or if it’s just the way the things would go, even if they tried again and again. If they fell in love a hundred times over. And at that moment, when the time seems to be frozen in their tiny living room Changkyun feels it again. The stir at the pit of his stomach he once felt when Minhyuk made him laugh until he ran out of breath. And for once, he allows himself to whisper what he’s been suppressing for so long.

“I’m still so in love with you, Minhyuk.”

And when he looks up he expects Minhyuk’s eyes to spark, like they use to do every time he came back home from work and Changkyun was waiting for him. But there is nothing, Minhyuk’s eyes are hollow and the smile on his lips forced.

 

**_“they’re gonna look at you holding all the love of the universe in their eyes”_ **

Minhyuk takes the few steps to the couch, slowly, like his weight is too much, like he’s so tired. He kneels in front of Changkyun and holds his hands.

“I know” Changkyun leans in and Minhyuk kisses him, a soft brush of lips, “but love alone is not enough”, Changkyun pulls him closer, feeling the despair down to his bones, “I wish it was, Changkyun, I really do.”

“Please don’t go” Changkyun finds himself begging, “please, please.”

He knew it would happen. And he thought he was ready for it. But the idea of waking up alone the next day, and all the days after that is too terrifying.

Minhyuk gets up and straddles Changkyun on the narrow couch. That used to be Changkyun’s favorite part of the day, but it had stopped long ago. Because Minhyuk was coming back too tired from work and Changkyun was already asleep. Because their good morning kiss was just a habit and neither had five more minutes to spend with the other before work. Funny that they used to have way more than that.

**_“they’re gonna hold you as if you are the most precious artifact”_ **

Minhyuk kisses him and after all this time, for once he does it like he truly means it. He kisses Changkyun deeply, hands cupping his face and Changkyun tries to remember this. The feeling of being loved, cherished, of being the only thing that matters and the only one Minhyuk can see. So Changkyun kisses him back, rakes his fingers through Minhyuk’s hair and moans into his mouth. He knows it’s the last time and he wants to make it a good one.

They don’t take their time when they stumble into the bedroom, taking off each other’s clothes, kissing all the way and Minhyuk’s naked body is a sweet weight on Changkyun. And there’s a moment of complete clarity when Changkyun knows they are doing the right thing, breaking up after all this time of pointless back and forth. He’s not prepared for how much it’s gonna hurt, but he loves Minhyuk so much and he knows, they both deserve better.

**_“they’re gonna smile even by merely thinking of your name”_ **

Minhyuk’s mouth all over his skin keeps him distracted from all the thoughts. The memories of them being happy together, rolling at their university’s lawn on sunny days and sleeping on the beach next to a bonfire at summer nights. Filling his car and going to trips at the weekends and to parties every Friday night.

And when they graduated one after the other and moved in together it was still good, even when they first started working, everything was still intact, the love and the warmth and the want. And then, someday Changkyun woke up and it wasn’t anymore. And he figured it had been missing for some time, but they were both too occupied to care. And that’s when it started hurting.

And they tried, they both did. Dinners and clubs and brief road trips, but it still wasn’t working. Like an old machine for which you can’t find parts to replace the broken ones anymore. So they remained passive for some time, two strangers living in the same house, waking next to each other and kissing good morning without putting any emotion to it.

 

**_“they’re gonna touch you like so many people did before, but it’ll be the first time you’ll truly feel it”_ **

Minhyuk was the first one to address it. He took Changkyun out, bought some good wine and held his hands, like he always did when he got anxious.

“It’s not working, Changkyun.” He looked apologetic, but it was not his fault, it was nobody’s fault. “We can’t make it work.”

And Changkyun had nodded, took Minhyuk’s hand and kissed it gently. He told himself it was okay, told himself they were both mature to handle this. And that breaking up and going to their separate ways was gonna happen sooner or later.

“That’s alright” Changkyun said, “we’ll keep the good times”.

Minhyuk smiled one of his last genuine smiles. The kind Changkyun loved the most. But that smile was not for the Changkyun in front of him. It was for the one living in Minhyuk’s memories.

**_“they’re gonna give you everything you deserve and even more”_ **

Minhyuk falls next to him on the bed, the sheets kicked on the floor and their breathing the only sound in the room. Changkyun looks at the ceiling, because he can’t bear looking at Minhyuk instead. He doesn’t dare open his mouth because he know what’s gonna come out of it, “I’ll miss you” the only words swimming in his head.

He wonders if they’re gonna meet again soon. If they will actually sleep in the same bed again. If they will come together only to break off sometime in the future. If it’s worth trying one more time after knowing they did everything to make it work. But Changkyun can let himself get lost in thoughts, in that little time he has before losing Minhyuk for sure.

“Why won’t you look at me?” Minhyuk asks in a tiny voice and Changkyun turns his head just enough to catch his eyes. He’s crying silently again.

“Is your new apartment far from here?” Changkyun pulls up the covers and curls up against him.

“Very”.

**_“they’re gonna worship the ground you walk on”_ **

Changkyun wants to wish him the best. And maybe ask him to visit sometime, or call. He wants to ask if Minhyuk will keep all their pictures together or delete them. Wants to know if Minhyuk has any tint of hope for them left in him. If he’s hurting as bad.

Minhyuk is the one who showed Changkyun what love means. Who guided and supported him through all the bad times. Who gave and gave without asking for anything in return. He’s the reason Changkyun became the kind of man he’s today. And in a way, Minhyuk will always be with him.

So instead of begging for more time, or daydreaming for a new start Changkyun does the only thing that he truly knows is correct, mutters a small “thank you” and by the little sparkle in Minhyuk eyes he knows he understands.

**_“and they’re gonna make love to you like it’s the last time every time”_ **

Minhyuk kisses him, softly, slowly, like they have all the time in the world and Changkyun desperately clings on his body. He knows it’s the last time he feels those lips on his own, the soft skin and his badly bleached hair between his fingers. He draws back and forces a smile, only so he can see Minhyuk smiling back at him in their dimly lit bedroom.

Changkyun feels the warmth emitting from Minhyuk’s body and is already lodging for what he’s gonna miss after the sun comes up. Because Minhyuk was his and he was Minhyuk’s for such a long time that he forgot what being on his own felt like. But in that moment, with Minhyuk’s forehead against his own, with arms keeping him close and his nose buried in Minhyuk’s neck he feels more alone than ever.

He reminds himself of the duffel bags in their living room, the bedroom void of Minhyuk’s clothes except that one shirt Changkyun hid deep in the closet, because he couldn’t fathom losing it all. The first sob escapes his throat and Minhyuk’s palms are comforting on his cheeks, wiping the tears away.

Changkyun takes time to calm down, exhausted and spent when the first rays of sun appear behind the blinds. He hugs Minhyuk tight, as if he can prevent him from leaving, as if they can make it all alright again. And he’s still so in love, as much as he was at their first date and then some more. But Minhyuk isn’t in love with him anymore, even if the way he’s holding Changkyun tells a different story.

Minhyuk kisses his lips one more time, one last time before he mutters against them.

 

**_“but for you, that person isn’t me.”_ **

 

 

 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Thank you for reading!


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